To be faithful and patient
Sometimes I really wonder if God is really out there looking out and over me.
The challenges that I’ve faced in the past month has honest been beyond anything I have ever experience. And I just don’t know how to handle it. My poor puppy is sick and has been sick since the day he came into my life. And while money should never be a problem, this puppy has cost well over $1000, of which $500+ has been from medical expenses just for the month I’ve had him.
To keep him around, I’ve had to move out of my parents home and into my boyfriend’s and to be completely honest, it hasn’t been fun. If anything it has put more stress on the both of us and our relationship. Mentally, emotionally, and physically, I am breaking down. Each and every day I am getting weaker and the more and more I want to run away from it all. I’m suppose to be positive and believe that God will help me as long as I stay faithful. But, my faith is gone. I feel like the world is out to get me that everything is falling apart. As my faith deteriorates so does my patience.
If Bentley doesn’t get better, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I would want to keep him or put him down or give him away. I thought keeping him in a less stressful environment would help but I don’t think this environment is any less stressful for him or I. The thought of him leaving my life is honestly heartbreaking.
“The Road Not Taken
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.”
Have you ever bullshitted an assignment so hard you basically laugh after every sentence you write
I’m so fucking weird
I’m the nicest rude person you’ll ever meet.
I don’t give a fuck about anything but at the same time, I care about a lot.
I hate people but I want to be everyone’s friend.
I hate myself but I’m completely fabulous.
I need help.
Did you know, you can quit your job, you can leave university? You aren’t legally required to have a degree, it’s a social pressure and expectation, not the law, and no one is holding a gun to your head. You can sell your house, you can give up your apartment, you can even sell your vehicle, and your things that are mostly unnecessary. You can see the world on a minimum wage salary, despite the persisting myth, you do not need a high paying job. You can leave your friends (if they’re true friends they’ll forgive you, and you’ll still be friends) and make new ones on the road. You can leave your family. You can depart from your hometown, your country, your culture, and everything you know. You can sacrifice. You can give up your $5.00 a cup morning coffee, you can give up air conditioning, frequent consumption of new products. You can give up eating out at restaurants and prepare affordable meals at home, and eat the leftovers too, instead of throwing them away. You can give up cable TV, Internet even. This list is endless. You can sacrifice climbing up in the hierarchy of careers. You can buck tradition and others’ expectations of you. You can triumph over your fears, by conquering your mind. You can take risks. And most of all, you can travel. You just don’t want it enough. You want a degree or a well-paying job or to stay in your comfort zone more. This is fine, if it’s what your heart desires most, but please don’t envy me and tell me you can’t travel. You’re not in a famine, in a desert, in a third world country, with five malnourished children to feed. You probably live in a first world country. You have a roof over your head, and food on your plate. You probably own luxuries like a cellphone and a computer. You can afford the $3.00 a night guest houses of India, the $0.10 fresh baked breakfasts of Morocco, because if you can afford to live in a first world country, you can certainly afford to travel in third world countries, you can probably even afford to travel in a first world country. So please say to me, “I want to travel, but other things are more important to me and I’m putting them first”, not, “I’m dying to travel, but I can’t”, because I have yet to have someone say they can’t, who truly can’t. You can, however, only live once, and for me, the enrichment of the soul that comes from seeing the world is worth more than a degree that could bring me in a bigger paycheck, or material wealth, or pleasing society. Of course, you must choose for yourself, follow your heart’s truest desires, but know that you can travel, you’re only making excuses for why you can’t. And if it makes any difference, I have never met anyone who has quit their job, left school, given up their life at home, to see the world, and regretted it. None. Only people who have grown old and regretted never traveling, who have regretted focusing too much on money and superficial success, who have realized too late that there is so much more to living than this.
Letting go of something you love is always going to be hard. No matter how many times you do it, it’ll never get easier. The hardest part of letting go is admitting that it just doesn’t work, no matter how strong the love is it. If someone or something is no longer moving you forward but instead bringing you down, you need to just be strong and let it go.
In a relationship, it’s always hardest to leave when you know you still love and care dearly about the other person. However, it’s also vital to understand that a relationship takes work and when you are ready to leave or let go, it is not because you don’t want to do the work but instead that person brings you down. It is normal and healthy to have disagreements but it’s another thing where that person you love puts you down and makes you feel like shit. So let me tell you this, love is unique and it is about balance, it is easy to find someone who makes you happy but the hard part is finding someone who doesn’t bring you down. So don’t think that just because someone makes you happy means you need to stay in the relationship and “work on it” when in reality, there is nothing to work on instead you need to just leave.
Don’t think that the time to walk away from someone is when the love is no longer there because love lingers even in the wrong times. Love someone and let them know that you do but also let them know that you can’t be with them. The relationship ends because it has to not because you want to.
Trust you instincts if it tells you to walk away, do it and when you do, don’t look back. Walk away and don’t ever look back.