I remember when I thought people in their 20’s were adults. Now all of my friends are in their 20’s and everybody is just kind of fumbling around bumping into each other, trying to figure out where the free food is
YOU KNOW WHEN YOU HAVE A LIL CRUSH ON SOMEONE BUT THEN AFTER A FEW DAYS YOU CATCH YOURSELF THINKING ABOUT THEM A LOT AND THAT LIL CRUSH IS NO LONGER A LIL CRUSH IT’S AN ADULT CRUSH AND IT RUINS YOUR LIFE LIKE WTF I DIDN’T SIGN ON FOR THIS
I applied for a job the other day and had my first interview. I’m hoping that I get a second interview and the position so I can get my life together and pay off those loans!
1. Don’t try to piss quietly. Nobody in a public restroom thinks you’re knitting in your stall. They came to piss, just like you. And if you have to take a dump, do it. Get over your fear of public toilets. It’ll make life a lot easier.
2. Masturbate. Masturbate a lot. Talk about it with your friends. You’ve got the right to make yourself feel good and brag about it just like all the boys with extra large kleenex packages on their desks.
3. If you want the large fries, get the large fries. Hunger and appetite are nothing to be ashamed of, just human. Don’t ever feel guilty for eating in front of others. You need to nourish your body to stay alive. We all do.
4. Laugh as loud as you have to, no matter if you snort or gasp or literally scream.
5. Fart when you have to.
6. Always remember you weren’t born to visually please others. Forget the phrase “what if they think it’s ugly”. If you think it’s lovely, it is lovely. You wanna wear it, wear it!
7. Speak your mind! You can learn to do so without insulting others or shoving your opinion down other people’s throats.