You need someone who goes out of their way to make it obvious that they want you in their life.
Time To Be An Adult
These past few days have been the most adult moments of my life thus far.
With the parents gone, I have the whole entire house to myself and with that comes the responsibilities of the home as well. Cooking, cleaning, gardening, petting sitting, etc,. But it doesn’t end there. I’m taking care of the puppy all by myself this weekend and it’s exhausting. The boyfriend is gone for the weekend for a bachelor party so no help from him. So I’m playing single parent for the weekend. Nope, I’m not done yet. I’m also working 7 days straight with shifts between 7-12 hours, which doesn’t include the two hour travel time to and from work. When I get home, I don’t even have the time to really relax because I spend the rest of the time playing with the puppy or completing UVSA finance stuff.
All this adult-ness is really exhausting. I need more sleep. But my schedule is so busy with work and even after I’m done working I’ll have to pack and move my stuff from Santa Cruz. At least in a little over a week I’ll be on a plane and leaving the country.
Sooooo much to do in soooooo little time. Okay, rant over.
To be faithful and patient
Sometimes I really wonder if God is really out there looking out and over me.
The challenges that I’ve faced in the past month has honest been beyond anything I have ever experience. And I just don’t know how to handle it. My poor puppy is sick and has been sick since the day he came into my life. And while money should never be a problem, this puppy has cost well over $1000, of which $500+ has been from medical expenses just for the month I’ve had him.
To keep him around, I’ve had to move out of my parents home and into my boyfriend’s and to be completely honest, it hasn’t been fun. If anything it has put more stress on the both of us and our relationship. Mentally, emotionally, and physically, I am breaking down. Each and every day I am getting weaker and the more and more I want to run away from it all. I’m suppose to be positive and believe that God will help me as long as I stay faithful. But, my faith is gone. I feel like the world is out to get me that everything is falling apart. As my faith deteriorates so does my patience.
If Bentley doesn’t get better, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I would want to keep him or put him down or give him away. I thought keeping him in a less stressful environment would help but I don’t think this environment is any less stressful for him or I. The thought of him leaving my life is honestly heartbreaking.
“The Road Not Taken
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.”